Gratitude. One year later
It’s been quite a year, hasn’t it? If you asked me a year ago, when we were traveling through Europe, before our cross country road trip to our new home on the pacific coast among the redwoods, what my year would be like, I would have barely believed it. But what I do have is overwhelming support, love, generosity, kindness, room to create, a wonderful home, an incredible and creative partner, friends near and far, and so much more. It’s been an important year or two for my own construction as a person- after the accident, after the miscarriage, after school closing early because of a global pandemic. I’m not a different person. I’m still as driven, creative, anxious, and excited as I ever have been, but regular meditation, exercise, and diet have been the tools to help me cope with the harder edges of my personality and my trauma. Long reflection and journaling into who I am and how I treat people have reminded me who I can be, when I have not been, and who I’m going to decide today, and everyday, to show up as in the world. I’ve started saying prayers of gratitude daily, over my food, with my cat, or laying in bed at the end of the day. I’ve been making altars for thanks to my ancestors and learn the lessons they learned. I’ve felt something some might call my Sangha, or at least a Karass- those fellows travelers on a spiritual journey. Some are old friends from my Kansas City punk rock days, or Chicago comedy days, my days in Rome filled with wanderlust or my time in New York where I tried to be someone I wasn’t. Some are new friends with wildly different journeys with more wisdom in their little fingers than I’ve ever seen. I can’t change my personality any more than I can change my eyes to not need glasses or contacts. But, just like that, I can find the right tools to help me be the fully able, creative individual with clear vision of who I am, who I want to be, and how I want to show up in the world, but it’s up to me to do the work. It’s helping me through these uneven times, when we all would love to do so much more than we are able to, so we have no choice but to look inward. It’s a blessing. And it always is.
